25 Questions Cops Should Ask Before They Get Married

CopsAlive asked relationship expert Janice Hoffman for some suggestions that police officers could consider before they become involved in a committed relationship or marriage and here is her article with some of our cop specific additions.

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. When we meet that special person, we want get to know them. We ask lots of questions, listen with curiosity and in the process fall deeper in love. If it feels right, we make the decision to share the rest of our lives together.

As a cop the desire to go from being single to married is a big step and should be taken very seriously. Sometimes the person we fall in love with has responsibilities they bring with them so it behooves us to learn as much as possible about this person we love and want to marry. Don’t forget also that inviting someone into the world of law enforcement also carries a lot of baggage and some people may not be ready so don’t withhold information from them thinking that you are helping them. It is always a good idea to fully inform your prospective mate of all that you think is important for them to know about your police career.

Getting married is a statement of how you choose to spend the rest of your life. Having the desire to be successful in our marriage, we must be proactive. With that said, logistics also have their place in relationships. Are you learning what makes your partner tick? Do you know what they want and expect from you-and how they envision your relationship unfolding? Have you talked about what your marriage will look like? Do you know how often your partner expects to make love?

Set aside a time to ask each other these questions. Use them as a guide to know-at a deeper level-your beloved. There are no wrong answers, only insights into who your partner is and what they want and need.
These are questions that require a lot of thought. Take your time with each one. Don’t answer them all in one sitting. If you get stuck, put that question on hold for now and go to the next one. Don’t allow one question to keep you from finishing the list. Let these questions be a guide for you to get to know each other at a deeper level.

The best marriages are built on a strong foundation. When you have the tools to build the relationship of your dreams, you can have one that will last a lifetime!

1. Do you want to have children? If you do, how many do you want?
2. If we aren’t able to have kids, will we remain childless? Will we adopt or seek other alternatives?
3. If we do have kids, who will stay home with the children?
4. Should we have a prenuptial agreement?
5. How will we spend our vacations? Will we take vacations together or apart or both?
6. What strategy will we use to resolve arguments?
7. What are your feelings about being monogamy? About cheating?
8. What discipline style do you want to use with our children?
9. What religion will we practice, if any? Will we attend church, as a couple? As a family?
10. What are expectations around sex? Frequency?
11. Who will handle making sure the bills are paid every month?
12. How will we combine our incomes and divide expenses?
13. Where do you see us in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
14. Are you a morning person or a late night person?
15. Who will do the grocery shopping?
16. Who will do the cooking?
17. How will we divide up the housework? Before kids? After kids?
18. What are your spending habits? How much should we put in savings monthly?
19. Does your family have a history of mental illness?
20. What are your goals, long term and short term?
21. Where will you live? Whose house will you live in? Will you get a new place?
22. How will you communicate your needs?
23. What are your personal boundaries?
24. What is the best way to support you when you are stressed, upset or overwhelmed?
25. How will we ensure the success of our marriage? What will we do to keep it healthy and strong?

I would add a 26th. How do they feel about you being a cop? Ask about issues of shift work, dealing with the dangers and fears and if they can handle the whole career package.

Author Janice Hoffman is an ordained minister and expert on the theory and practice of personal relationships. In Relationship Rules, Janice reveals a new way of looking at relationships – with ourselves and with others. You can learn more at her website at www.RelationshipRules.com

About Janice Hoffman

Janice Hoffman is a Relationship Expert and author of the award-winning book, Relationship Rules – 12 Strategies for Creating a Love That Last, Venus Publishing 2007, specializing in helping both genders apply the right tools to improve the quality of their relationships. Janice gives men and women a communication toolbox they can use to increases harmony in all areas of their lives. Visit her website at www.RelationshipRules.com What motivates the opposite sex? What influences behavior? If Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, let Janice show you how to bridge the gender gap in your world. Janice gives her audiences a road map to successfully achieve balance in their lives and increase their awareness and appreciation of the differences within each of us. This road map provides effective and practical skills that her audiences can apply immediately. Featured on TV, radio and in numerous articles, Janice helps others improve their communication skills with her fun and entertaining style. For over 11 years, Janice was a certified Mars Venus Facilitator and served as the Training Director for John Gray’s, Mars Venus Institute. Janice has also been a relationship coach and a contributing author for MarsVenus.com. When it comes to guiding people through the practice of successful communication, Janice knows. Since 1998 she has been a member of the National Speakers Association and has been nominated NSA/Colorado Member of the Year in 2000, ‘06 & ‘07. She is also a member Colorado Independent Publishers Association, and the Colorado Professional Clergy Association. She has also served on the Advisory Board for Consumer & Family Studies for the State of Colorado. Janice’s sincere and warm spirit and her knowledge of gender differences are invaluable. Her message is intriguing, practical and motivating. Let her personality touch your heart and her message expand your mind. Men and women both agree, she is sure to stir your thoughts!
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  1. Thank you for your comment. Sign up for my free monthly relationship tips on my website, http://www.RelationshipRules.com. Many are archived as well. Enjoy!

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